Psalm 119 - 14 - Nun - Committed to Following (3)

"(Nun) Your Word is a lamp to guide my feet
and a light for my path.
I've promised it once, and I'll promise it again:
I will obey Your righteous regulations.
I have suffered much, O LORD;
restore my life again as You promised.
LORD, accept my offering of praise, 
and teach me Your regulations.
My life constantly hangs in the balance,
but I will not stop obeying Your instructions.
The wicked have set their traps for me,
but I will not turn from Your commandments. 
Your laws are my treasure;
they are my heart's delight.
I am determined to keep Your decrees
to the very end." (Psalm 119: 105-112)  

Dear Mrs. Kurtz,
     I hope you enjoyed your day off! Sorry you had to invest so much of that free time into writing the post. I appreciate your work though and it got me thinking quite a bit today.
     Ok, so for a change I really don't know what to say. I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking, or if there is any point in doing so.
     In your post you said, You admit defeat, but you don't give up" (as a response to messing up). What does this mean for me? I understand that every Christian struggles with following God at some time, but I've gotten to the point where I need to make a decision. I don't think it's about getting up after stumbling and trying again anymore. I have to decide if I'm with or against God.
     My decisions are becoming increasingly worse, but I refuse to change. God requires us to love and follow Him, NOT our vices. As a Christian, you can't have both.
     I'm scared that if the only way to fix things is "feeding my soul" with Godly things and turning away from sin, then I don't stand a chance. It is becoming very real to me that not everyone is willing to seek God, and many end up in hell.
     I really don't know what to do. I know in Romans 7 Paul came to the conclusion that God is the solution to changing his "life that is dominated by sin and death," but how? What are the actual things I need to do to fix everything?
     I need to figure out if I'm willing to take these steps.
     I just want to reiterate how grateful I am for you doing all of this: inviting me to church, talking, and writing these posts. I know this email sounds quite negative, but it's just because I'm frustrated  with myself. I do really appreciate how much you care, and all you've invested into helping me.
Much thanks.
   
     
Dear friend,
     It was, is, and will remain my pleasure and privilege to study and discuss with you. Thank you for trusting me in this way!
     You are right. There is a time for decisions, will I follow or not? Sometimes people call these "crisis experiences". You don't have to be in a crisis (terminal illness, family breakup, etc.) to experience a crisis in your faith. This is about faith, following, submission, relinquishing control.
     I cannot and will not simplify the call to faith. I can and will repeat, as often as necessary, God is good. You can trust Him. No one loves you more. No one has given more. No one can do more, love more, give more, provide more.
     I'm going to share some links to decision points in the Bible. There are more; can you find more of them?

• Jesus was offered everything, Matthew 4: 1-11
• Jesus called the disciples to follow, Matthew 4:12-22
• The rich young man "went away sad" Matthew 19:16-30
• Followers left Jesus when His call became hard/confusing (note: there were throngs when they were receiving food and "easy" teaching), John 6:1-70 (contrast verses 66 and 68)
• Jesus called people to "count the cost," Luke 14:25-35

"The modern day disciple still has a price to pay. There's a war within and a war with sin, and he fights it every day." (lyrics, "Count the Cost")

• What is the cost of following?
• What do you lose?
• What do you gain?

Heavenly Father, We thank and praise You, for You have offered and provided everything. Your call is not easy. But it is good. We lose, but we gain. We surrender, but we win. 

My friend, I am wrestling in prayer for you! You are loved. You are not alone.

Psalm 119 - 14 - Nun - Committed to Following (2)

"(Nun) Your Word is a lamp to guide my feet
and a light for my path.
I've promised it once, and I'll promise it again:
I will obey Your righteous regulations.
I have suffered much, O LORD;
restore my life again as You promised.
LORD, accept my offering of praise, 
and teach me Your regulations.
My life constantly hangs in the balance,
but I will not stop obeying Your instructions.
The wicked have set their traps for me,
but I will not turn from Your commandments. 
Your laws are my treasure;
they are my heart's delight.
I am determined to keep Your decrees
to the very end." (Psalm 119: 105-112)  

Dear Mrs. Kurtz,

     I read your most recent post and for some reason it struck a chord with me. While reading, I kept thinking of a song that I heard a while back with the line, "where you invest your love, you invest your life." It got me thinking about the kind of love and devotion the Psalmist has for God. It was a love so great that he "invested his life" in devotion to God.
     Having an "all in" relationship with God is scary because it would require me to stick with God no matter what. Psalm 119 emphasizes that loving God and keeping His commandments should be one and the same. To love God, I have to trust Him even if something bad happens. It requires making the right choice (not the fun choice) when convicted. It requires daily prayer and study (we talked about this earlier in the chapter).
     In contrast, relationships on Earth are not "all in". They are based on love that runs out when it is no longer fun or convenient. We may devote time to people, but often for the wrong reasons. 
     I'm not going to lie; this whole thing freaks me out. I am questioning what relationships are most important to me. Why am I so turned away by the level of commitment that God requires, but not by the same level of commitment in other parts of my life?
     I have made a decision recently that I wasn't really planning on making, and now I'm just really conflicted. I want to commit to fun things and not God. I like things I can enjoy right now, which distracts me from Godly things. Like the video you shared discussed, I underestimate the scope of God's authority, which includes His wrath.
     I guess the question I have for you (and God) is how can I want to be a good Christian? I don't know where to start, and part of me doesn't even want to.


Dear friend,
     Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts and confusions! I want you to know that your struggle is normal; you're voicing a heart struggle that is a reality for every believer (remember Paul's wrestling in Romans 7?). A life of faith is a difficult choice! And it is a decision that we must make day by day, and even moment by moment.

     As you said, being "all in" in a relationship is hard. 

It is based on a commitment that runs deeper than feelings, 

and that holds with cords stronger than

 personal pleasure or gain.

     How can you be a good Christian? You can't. You will try and fail. (I know, "thanks for the encouragement, Mrs. Kurtz!") The Bible does not "whitewash" humans. The Bible provides hope for humans. We will fail. God will restore. 

Though you cannot be a good Christian on your own effort, you CAN commit. Cling. Grasp tightly. Despite feelings, desires, temptations, hold on. Commit to following, even in the midst of your imperfections and struggles. You don't wait until you "have your act together" to follow. You come, questions and all, and you struggle. You tell God honestly what you are thinking and feeling. You admit defeat, but you don't give up. You ask for help, and then by faith you walk anew. Christianity is not an end point but rather a commitment to a journey, through good times and bad.

It is a risk. It is an adventure. It is an extreme calling.

Just as entering a marriage can be fearful--giving yourself fully to someone for the rest of your life, entering a relationship with God also gives us fear. Is He asking too much of us? Can we trust Him? Is He really good? Will I lose too much of me if I commit to Him? Will all the fun drain from my life?

He is good. He is trustworthy. 

He will not diminish you; He will make you more of who you are. 

You will not lose; you will gain.

One Who loves you this much will always be with you.

There are good marriages, relationships of lifelong love and commitment, where two people become "one"--united in heart, life and purpose. They are not perfect (who is?), yet they are bound by inextricable ties. The same is possible in a relationship with God. Let's look at this famous marriage passage from Ephesians again, but this time read it with a view to the relationship we can have with Christ:

"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 

"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's Word. He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of His body.

"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:21-33)

How can you move forward from your place of confusion, frustration and conflicted feelings? Feed your soul. Begin with the basics. Immerse yourself in God, His Word, and His people. The things that never get fed die. What is nourished grows.

Right now you can demonstrate the greatest of faith--determining that you will believe, even with your doubts, insecurities and rebellions. 

Come fighting. 

Tell God your struggles. 

Wrestle!

(check out this hymn, "Soldiers of Christ, Arise"--it's not about an earthly battle, but about our spiritual struggle)

• What are the greatest risks you have taken in life?
• Why did you take them?
• Who loves you so much that you would trust him/her, even in what seemed a perilous situation?
• How is "feeding your soul" like "feeding your body"? 
• What parallels can you make between physical self-care and spiritual self-care?

I've always loved this quote from the Silver Chair. Faced with extreme opposition and pressure, in a hopeless situation, being told that all he believed in and lived for didn't matter, Puddleglum makes a statement of faith. How well C.S. Lewis explained our journey of faith.

Heavenly Father, My friend is struggling with the decision to follow You, and her desires, temptations and guilt are overpowering. Will You minister to her through Your Spirit, Your Word, and Your people? You are good. Yet we struggle to hold onto this reality when it comes up against our will and our desires. We cannot do this without You. We thank You that You are always with us. Help, we pray!

My friend, I am wrestling in prayer for you! You are loved. You are not alone.