Was it the Right Decision

Dear Mrs. Kurtz

How do I know that I made the right decision?

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do,

and He will show you which path to take." 

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Dear Friend,

Often we face difficult decisions, and when we've made them, we wonder, "Did I make the right decision?". It sometimes even consumes us with worry, doubt, and regret. We try to imagine what would have been the outcome of another decision.

I've long loved and mulled over this quote from Prince Caspian (C.S. Lewis):


"But what would have been the good?"
Aslan said nothing.
"You mean," said Lucy rather faintly, "that it would have turned out all right--somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?"
"To know what would have happened, child?" said Aslan. "No. Nobody is ever told that."
"Oh dear," said Lucy.
"But anyone can find out what will happen," said Aslan. "If you go back to the others now, and wake them up; and tell them you have seen me again; and that you must all get up at once and follow me--what will happen? There is only one way of finding out."


We can't peer into the past and foresee the different trajectories of different decisions. But we can find out about the future. And we are blessed by this.

We do not have to live in the past, 

or live with regrets forever.

 We can find out what will happen 

by the decisions 

that we make today.

Relationships, when they end or transform, are sometimes filled with great sorrow. There is a grieving process, and we can't circumvent it. It is a separation. When a parent sends a son/daughter off to school, there is grief. It's a happy occasion, but it brings loss. When friends, or boyfriends/girlfriends part ways, this too causes sorrow. There is a void left, whether the parting was peaceful or storm-tossed. When spouses divorce, when extended families quarrel and distance themselves from each other, when coworkers disagree and cease to cooperate...

So, I can't answer your question simply, was it the right decision? But, I can help you see paths for now.

• If you are grieving the loss of the relationship and want it back, you can seek to restore it. Some of the most beautiful words in our language are "I was wrong" and "I am sorry". 

• If you are grieving the loss of the relationship but feel it was the right thing, you need to give yourself permission to grieve and time to heal. You do not simply put it in the past. 

<On a side note, because that is where my mind tangented: often you'll hear the expression "rebound" applied to relationships--someone has a separation from a boyfriend/girlfriend and immediately launches into a new relationship, and often fully and passionately. Rather than identifying the grief and taking time to heal, the person pours all of the emotion from the prior relationship into a new one, and this often causes more troubles in the end.>

As we have discussed, you are transitioning into adulthood, preparing to begin a new life in a new state. The growth process is difficult and painful, filled with changes and challenges, and decisions (of course). Growth is often a struggle. Imagine a baby bird breaking through its shell, or a seed germinating and pushing the first shoot of green up through the (sometimes frozen) earth, or a butterfly rupturing the cocoon.

Though you are in the midst of turbulent times, there is One who will be unchanging, loving, and always with you. Through the sacrifice of Jesus we have peace with God. We have new life. We have a relationship with One who will always satisfy, always love, always guide. Through the ministry of the Spirit we have joy and peace. We have words of guidance and wisdom. Through the goodness of the Father we have abundant life. We have an inheritance. We have strength for today and tomorrow, and all the tomorrows.

Why not embrace this adventure? 

Call on Him, 

leap into Him with all your trust, 

and watch Him work "the wonders of His love" in your life. Now is the perfect time. 

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you." 

(1 Peter 5:7)

"And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts." (Colossians 3:15)

Heavenly Father, we thank You because You are good. You are loving and merciful, and You bring us comfort and peace, even though we face difficulties unnumbered and sorrows unfathomable. Will You help my friend to find healing, comfort, wisdom and peace in You? Will You speak to her? In You we have everything we need. Thank you.

This song, titled "Carry You" always ministers to my heart in times of worry, sorrow, grief, or regret.